Carbon fingerprint

My thinking has got caught up in the everyday.

I'm a whale, and not the blade of grass or the grain of sand I thought I was.

If I were to live my life all over again I'd use even more words, but they'd be equipped with blow holes, have an MSRP of $23,000 and come with plush leather seats made of sea salt.

I will resign from the board of The Friends of Coal and Oil and spurn all products manufactured by Pleghm Producing Nations. 

Furthermore, I will champion the development of sustainable ego-driven cars.

Friends, after working so tirelessly for so many years I had thought my retirement would be secure, full of edible cannabis and free from the threat of war, but I see that the hard part of my life is only just beginning.