Apple Store as Cancer Ward

Stage 1: planned obsolescence, in which the patient's MacBook Pro crashes after following advice of Apple "Genius Bar" member at satillite Apple Store Cancer Ward, Portland, Oregon. 1 hour.

Stage 2: drip torture during patient's first visit to Apple Store on Chestnut St., San Francisco. 3 hours.

Stage 3: remission, after loading new (wrong) software 'update' Catalina on MacBook Pro running on "Yosemite'--as advised by a Genius in Portland, Oregon--AND purchasing a new Microsoft Office package for $259.00 from Genius in San Francisco. 2 & 3/4 hours.

Stage 4: remission is temporary: patient's MacBook Pro unable to be revived. Conscious and unconscious resentment, anxiety, anger cited in patient's medical report.

Stage 5: patient returns to Apple on Chestnut St. Cancer Ward for follow-up procedure.. Opts to purchase new MacBook Air, a slightly less expensive surgical procedure than the new MacBook Pro alternative.  Patient advised that machine must stay in cancer ward overnight as Information from patient's old MacBook Pro needs to be 'migrated' to new MacBook Air. 2 hours.

Stage 6: patient enters Apple Cancer Ward a new man, hopeful and expectant--his brand new MacBook Air is ready for pick up at 10 a.m. December 30, 2019! Genius Bar team-member Tim, he with the elf tophat, assists patient with installation of new Microsoft Office software...

Stage 7: return of symptoms as patient waits in Apple Store Cancer Ward sitting room. Tim the elf has disappeared! I thought we were good friends.. Patient hails nurse Sara, kindly but ineffective. Brion, Genius Bar member who sold the patient the new MacBook Air two days ago looks at patient as if he's never seen him befofre. Patient, desperate after sitting for 2 hours with a disfunctional Microsoft Office package ($259.00 + tax), cuts left index finger on edge of new computer. Nurse Sara notices the blood, brings a band aid and disinfectant, but is unable to download the Microsoft software. Max, Genius Bar member with red/orange/golf coiffure, takes pity on patient, successfully installs Microsoft by offering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while confiding to patient that average Genius Bar members are, "not geniuses" . Patient released from cancer ward at 12:32 p.m. 2 &1/2 hours.

Patient notes: older patients--look like it's all new to them. Younger patients--look like they know they're sick from the very beginning, ala Kirkregaard. A fellowship begins to form between older and younger patients as co-sufferers; some, however, realize there are sufferers among them who enjoy being in The Apple Store! Orderlies scurry around with petitie smiles that have no meaning, and pass by patients as if they've been ordered to pass by. Big problem, will report to admin at Cupertino wherever Cupertino is.

Rehab: released from Cancer Ward the patient walks gratefully in the fresh air sunshine along fashionable Chestnut St., avenue of $200 ripped jeans and tattoos inked with caramel latte's from Starbucks, free from the suffering dimension of time wasted in Apple Store, and it's monetary expense.