Grammatical illness

Is it lying in bed or laying in bed? You'd think I'd know by now.

But I don't know, I'm sick in much the same way the poet Jack Spicer, who supposedly said on his deathbed, my vocabulary did this to me, was sick, only I'm not sick of my vocabularly, I love my vocabulary, I'm sick of my grammer.

The words, lying in bed, don't look right to me, but when I say them out loud they sound just fine. Laying in bed works too, I lay in bed all day. I did, I lay there one whole day, then another, and part of another. Something's wrong with me, but I have no idea what it is; all I know is that I'm not myself, I have no interest in what is right or wrong, good or evil, which team won the Celtics game.

Email stacks up, appointments are broken. I can't consume media I ordinarily consume: it hurts to read the morning paper, so I don't, I just lie in bed.

I'm ill, so I finally just let myself be ill, it's all I can do. I lie there in bed, I lay there in bed, does it matter which? When you're ill, everything loses meaning to the point where everything is negative, doubly so.