A poet and film critic named John A.

The force awakens this morning to a film by Alfred Hitchcock.

It's one of Hitch's old films, black and white, filmed in England, before he moved to Hollywood.

Since actors, "are cattle" acc. Hitch, he's decided he can almost do without them, and hires Sam Beckett to write the screenplay.

But Beckett's hiding from the Nazi's in the south of France, eating cold beans out of a tin can, working for The Resistance.

Production on the film proceeds anyway. It's a wartime romance between a man and a woman or a woman and a woman or a man and a man: viewers are kept at such a distance no one can be sure.

One critic, dissecting the film frame by frame, enlarging the images, claims all the characters are played by Hitchcock himself, a claim that's never been refuted.